How to Work with Gratitude

Learn to detach yourself from events occurring in your life.

Don’t events of the day affect you. Try to your surroundings in a neutral manner. If you need to make decisions, take a step back and accept the role of an impartial observer to make the best decision possible. Don’t read too much into a specific situation. Many times what we think was focused on us in a negative manner is supposed to be exactly the opposite of what was intended.

Observe what’s happening around you

Everything that is happening to you is happening in perfect harmony. People come and go from your life at the right moments, imparting the right lessons and the right experiences to you for a reason. If an event occurs that impresses upon your attention then you should ask yourself Why is this occurring? What can I learn from this situation? What can other people learn from this? Am I being called to do something?

Raise your energy level by helping and thinking of others in a positive manner

I can take time to train yourself to begin to put others first and think of other people selflessly but the reward for doing so is priceless. An old saying goes Do unto others as you would have them do unto you, and and another classical saying What goes around comes around both lend credence to the principal of helping others.

Keep your thoughts in check

When you become aware of your thoughts, you thought patterns, and the way you react to them, you can begin control what you focus on. You can begin to use your thoughts to measure your progress towards what you desire and would like to accomplish in life. You thoughts are all powerful, and what you think and focus on you become. By keeping your thoughts in check, or focusing on what you desire in life, you are in a much better position to accomplish your goals.

Start a Gratitude Journal or Gratitude List.

Take a few minutes each day to write down 10 things you’re grateful for (see the other side of the page). Stretch your imagination and search you mind for things you are grateful for, things you wouldn’t usually think of. Chances are there are lots of things you would notice if you didn’t have them or they didn’t occur during your day. Parents, relatives, friends, jobs, past jobs etc, there are many things you can be grateful for if you just search your mind. With time, you’ll begin to become aware of good things occurring on your behalf, that you were previously unaware of. This awareness will bring an ever increasing sense of peace and happiness into your life.

End the day appreciating your gifts

When you go to bed, instead of recounting any negative events that happened throughout the day, reminisce about your achievements! Focus on one thing you’re really grateful for and work it in your mind. This simple act will bring you a more peaceful, restful sleep and you’ll wake then next morning in a good mood ready for next day!

Looking outwards

Most people have Inward and Outward centric personality traits. As you focus on a gratitude based lifestyle you will begin to see more Outward focused traits. You will also begin to be more free flowing throughout your day. The “bumps in the road” that you see in your life will begin to disappear or become greatly reduced. As you move Outwards, you will begin to see your level of happiness increase.

A sincere Thank You.

Taking the time to thank someone you appreciate deepens your awareness of the world around you. What everyone wants is to be recognised and appreciated. Sincerely Thanking someone is doing and contributing to make our world a better place.

Appreciate other people

If someone upsets you, take a step back and relax. The other person is only presenting their opinion based of what they perceive to be true at that time. There experiences, upbringing and environment all contribute to shape the opinions. Forgive that individual or any perceived wrong to you and move forward. If that person continues to berate you or radiate negative energy towards you, politely and respectfully conclude that relationship. Negative feelings radiate continually outwards outwards, from yourself, to others around you. If you become a carrier of other peoples negative energy, you will pass that onto the people you love whether you intend to or not. Avoiding negative feelings will enable to radiate more love and appreciation for those you value, and provide more consideration and compassion for those you do not.

Leave your past in the past

Today is a new day with a new opportunities and adventures. If someone has wronged you in the past, forgive them, forget it, and move on. Be thankful for the experience of the moment and the opportunity to learn from it. Don’t let the past experiences impact negatively on your future or the way you interact with new acquaintances.

Lesson: Gratitude List

Gratitude is letting others know how they helped you.

Duration: 5 Times Daily; Upon Waking, After Breakfast, Lunch Time, Dinner, Bedtime before sleeping

If you have read the Gratitude Article then you are ready to undertake this lesson.

In order to have the things in your life you desire you must be willing to change your thoughts. This exercise is based upon the Law of Attraction. Everything in life is the result of a thought, be it an architect designing a building, a politician deciding to run for office, a couple conceiving a child or a student studying for an exam. Everything starts out as a thought in a person’s mind. A person makes a decision based on a thought and their level of desire to see that thought actualised. Actions (or inaction) result as a consequence of that decision.

Before you can have anything NEW in your life you need to be GRATEFUL for the things that you already have right now. There is a reason for this and it has to do with the principal of the Law of Attraction (based on factors discussed by Quantum Physics) which says ‘you attract what you focus your attention on’. Whether it be negative or positive, good or bad; it doesn’t matter if you want it or don’t want it, if you focus energy on it then it has a habit of showing up in your life.

If you focus on things that you are genuinely grateful for now then you send out an emotion, a feeling, a signal to the universe or those around you that attracts similar thoughts and feelings back to you. This begins what is referred to as a Positive Feedback Cycle and helps to elevate your mood, thinking, disposition and attitude, basically a Self Fulfilling Prophecy.

Your perception is your interpretation of reality. Your thoughts and the way you perceive yourself contribute to what you perceive. Your past results and your current situation is a result of your past thoughts and the decisions you made based on them. Your current reality is the result of who you were when you made those decisions, not who you are now. By focusing on what you’re grateful for you are saying that this is what you want more of in your life. You are filtering out the negative experiences you wish to avoid and focusing on the positive experiences and things you want more of.

We will cover more of this shortly but for now write down 10 things that you are truly grateful for. Your Gratitude should be genuine emotion, real heart felt gratitude. These are things you currently have or have experienced. You can be truly grateful for just about anything, your family, friends, the weather, food, love, your health or even an experience you may have had at some stage in your life. Write them down on a sheet of paper now.

What I am Grateful for in my life?

1. ____________________________________
2. ____________________________________
3. ____________________________________
4. ____________________________________
5. ____________________________________
6. ____________________________________
7. ____________________________________
8. ____________________________________
9. ____________________________________
10. ____________________________________

The reason this is a long list is because of the importance the emotion Gratitude plays in focusing your thoughts on the things you want in life. This will not take much of your time, but you will recognise how much you will evolve as a person within yourself and towards others through this exercise. You will develop a more acute appreciation for others and for the little things in life people tend to take for granted.

The feeling of Gratitude is associated with already having something and this is the feeling you need to associate with what you want. The feeling of actually WANTING is to be avoided in this exercise. The feeling of wanting something actually sends out to the universe that you DON’T have something and this is an association we are trying not to focus on. Instead we are applying the feeling of HAVING (something) and are associating that feeling with what we desire. If we associate the feeling of WANTING with our desires then we will never see our desires actualised, or more to the point, the Law of Attraction will have a hard time working with us to actualise that particular desire.

Think of the Law of Attraction working like the wind over the ocean. The wind may push a sailing boat (an analogy for one of our desires) only so long as it is actually blowing on the sails of the boat. If we are on the beach waiting for our metaphorical sailing boat to come in then we want the wind blowing in the right direction as much as possible. If we focus on what we don’t have, and by association the feeling of WANTING, then the Law of Attraction is, metaphorically, blowing our sailing boat in the wrong direction to see our desire actualised.

The Law of Attraction works for us so long as we focus the correct attention on what we ‘desire’. By repeating this exercise regularly, and using it in conjunction with the Creative Visualisation Lesson we are associating the feeling of HAVING with the desires we are focusing our attention on. When we stop focusing our attention on our desires, then the wind stops blowing. There is no way of knowing how long your ship will take to come in but I can guarantee you that if the wind isn’t blowing it towards you then it won’t arrive. How soon it arrives is up to you and how you apply yourself to attaining your desires.

Make Sense?

That is why it is so important to practice an attitude of gratitude in our daily life; so that we my benefit from the Gratitude Effect. .

Quick Gratitude Lesson

Begin by cultivating the habit of consciously finding things to be grateful for each and every day.You will find that the more you practice this the harder it is to keep it to only 3 things. When you have become comfortable with adding 3 things to your gratitude list everyday, being making lists of important people in your life; your partner, children, brothers or sisters or parents; anyone who is significant to you either now or in the past.

Then make another list under their names of what you are grateful for about that person. You’ll find that as you add to your gratitude list of that person you’ll find more and more positive things about them that you can ad to their list.

This is an excellent way to not only improve your mindset about that person but also to improve your relationship with them.

Why is Breathing so Important? How to Improve Breathing? Not everyone breathes the same. Some people have better lung capacity, or have quit smoking, whilst some people specifically practice breathing for different reasons. How you breath is dependant on what you are doing, what you wish to achieve, and the environment you are in. Read the article on this page for an insight into breathing and learn how to improve your breath for life.”

On the path to self-realization breath is the bridge
between the body and the mind.

One of the best books available on the subject of breath is The Science of Breath by Hindu Yogi Ramacharaka. Ramacharaka writes:

To breathe is to live, and without breath there is no life. Not only are the higher animals dependent upon breath for life and health but even the lower forms of animal and plant life must breath in order to live. From the first faint breath of an infant to the last gasp of a dying man, life is one long story of continued breathing.Life is but a series of breaths. (p. 6)

So, we have it that breath is essential to life but, more so, breath is essential to thought, and uncontrolled thinking is often attributed to uncontrolled breathing.

Why Focus On Breathing?

Breath Control Equals Mind Control

Your breath and your mind are intricately connected. Think about the way your breathing is affected when your mind is experiencing something totally unrelated to breathing.

Trying being aware of your breathing whilst watching an exciting film. If the film gets suspenseful, you hold your breath. When the action speeds up, so does your breathing. Your breath responds to the film’s happy or sad ending by either becoming steady, smooth, and regular, or irregular deep and broken, all whilst you sit a chair hardly moving a muscle.

Spend an entire day tuning in to your breath. Notice how it quickens or slows according to what you’re doing, saying, or even thinking? Your breath can be affected merely by who you are in contact with, regardless of what you are doing. What our brain perceives is mirrored in our breath and body experiences. Just as the mind influences the breath and body, alternately, so the breath can influence the mind and body.

Yogi Ramacharaka in the Science of Breath writes:

By controlling breathing [the yogi] may not only cure disease in himself and others, but also practically do away with fear and worry and the baser emotions that affect the mind.

Patricia Einstein in her book Uncommon Sense talking about meditation and breathing says:

Resistance [to the now and what is your current circumstance and situation] only gives energy to what you’re resisting, creating a vicious circle of mental static. … breathing into whatever you’re thinking or feeling allows you to simultaneously let it go and open to a higher state of awareness.

As you bring your awareness back to your breath, you’ll find your thoughts floating to the back of your mind [and you have more thought control. (p. 78)

Do you doubt this? Try the Gratitude Breathing Exercise now to clear and calm your mind and note its effects on your thought processes and your mental state of being.

Breathing Exercises

Try the breathing exercises located via the Breathing Exercises Page. There are exercises for numerous occasions and situations. They can be attempted by anyone and require no special skills. If you have any breathing relation medical conditions then it is probably a good idea to consult with a physician first, but most importantly, use your common sense. All the exercises are easy, simple, and have been used by yogi's and people practising meditation for thousands of years. You should find them of significant help in cleaning the mind, releasing anger, improving your focus, and generally helping to improve your well being.

The Importance of Gratitude

When you are sincerely grateful for the things you currently have in your life, then your mind tends to focus on those things. You will begin to change your mindset to a positive more enthusiastic outlook on what you already have. What you focus on most is what you will see the majority of the time. If you think of all the things that are going or have gone wrong in your life, you usually tend to focus only on what is wrong. When you begin to focus your thoughts and emotions on what you are sincerely thankful for, you place yourself in a position to see more positive circumstances in your life. You place yourself in the position of being able to take advantage of the opportunities that will move you in the direction of what is is you want in life.

The Effect Gratitude plays in awakening your inner mind and powers cannot be underestimated. Applying the principals of Gratitude to your life and experiences assists in overcoming Limiting Beliefs. Gratitude allows the mind to awaken and expand it sphere of influence as Dr John Demartini refers to it.

The first step to implementing an Attitude of Gratitude in your life is to make it your personal mission to find the good and positive in every situation you encounter and experience. No matter what the situation; no matter what your experience, there is a positive lesson that can be gleaned from it. Make it your mission in life to be grateful for every lesson you experience; to be grateful for every encounter and insight that touches you; for every opportunity to help others, and you will find that your gratitude brings more opportunity to you than you could possibly have hoped for.

It is important to not dismiss what you may normally consider and unpleasant experience. All the great disciplines of the world teach that there must be balance in life, in nature, and in experience; but, the Objective of practising Gratitude is to appreciate the good and beneficial in every situation; appreciating the silver lining in the dark cloud, rather than focusing solely on the negative of any given situation. Many lessons are learnt from our darkest moments and some of our most insightful accomplishments arise as a result of the challenges faced throughout life.

Now, it is not expected that you will magically change into a ‘happy person’ over night but being aware of the bigger picture and looking for the good in every situation works towards improving your outlook on things and how you apply yourself and interact with others. By focusing on the good in things you are more easily able to identify opportunities that will assist you in life.

Gratitude and Balance

Finding balance is the key to appreciating yourself, along with all your perceived imperfections, as well as those of the people around you. Nowhere in nature does the concept of perfection or one sidedness exist. Only in the mind of humans does the illusion of perfection and control hold place as an ideal to be aspired to. If everyone was perfect in their own eyes then it would be difficult to learn from your experiences and grow as a person, and it is highly unlikely that perfection in your eyes would constitute perfection for someone else. If this was the case then life would cease to be an adventure and pretty soon, you would begin to consider it dull and boring.

Appreciating life’s lessons, the good, the bad, friends and enemy’s for what they are and what they have taught you, is all part of the journey of life; even when it doesn’t ‘appear’ to be so. Sometimes, it does require hindsight to experience the insight into a negative event in your life. Still, express your gratitude and feel the appreciation for the lesson that was bought to your attention, whenever that may be.

One of the immediate effects of Gratitude is increased clarity of mind. Appreciation and Gratitude provide an individual with a heightened sense of the big picture and place a situation or experience in context with your life experiences and the impact that that may have on others around you.

Want Help Practising Gratitude?

God gave you a gift of 86,400 seconds today. Have you used any of them to say ‘thank you?’

- William A. Ward

Try the Gratitude Lesson .

An Animosity Cycle is a reciprocating cycle of ill will and anti-social behaviour based on mutual and escalating aggression between two or more people.

An Animosity Cycle begins with a perceived wrong, either real or unreal, experienced by someone which results in anger and subsequent aggression being expressed towards someone else. This generates feelings of discontent or anger in the victim who reciprocates with a similar level of aggression.

The Animosity Cycle is intrinsically related to Anger and Aggression.

Anger is a typical human response to frustration. It is natural for people to want to get their own way in relation to situations they encounter. Frustration often occurs when people fail to obtain the outcome they desire from a situation. Anger may then be experienced when frustration with the unsatisfactory outcome is encountered.

Anger can result either as a consequence of an outcome or in relation to the process of trying to achieve a specific outcome. Personal attachment by an individual to a desired outcome is primarily responsible for fuelling Anger.

Anger may be expressed as Aggression

When anger builds up within someone, that person may vent their anger in the form of aggression. The likelihood of aggression resulting from anger increases with the level of emotional attachment someone experiences to a specific situation. Aggression can be expressed at loved ones, friends or opponents; through either verbal arguing or physical violence, or in some situations through both verbal and physical abuse.

Positive Feedback and the Animosity Cycle

Aggression is habitual in human beings; both male and female, and although expressed to different degrees and forms depending on the sex, it will still illicit unwanted consequences due to its anti-social nature. The use of aggression in a dispute rarely results in a satisfactory resolution for either parties.

The level of feedback received by the antagonist (primary aggressor) from the victim will dictate the volatility of the Animosity Cycle. This is called a Positive Feedback Cycle although it is not desirable in a social context.

Perhaps the most significant problem with aggression is that most people will try to control the situation by responding in a similar manner and to the attack being experienced. This results in the escalation of an Animosity Cycle i.e. a heated argument where neither party is able to rationally detach themselves from a standpoint.

The Animosity Cycle is most likely to result when the natural inclination for people to express anger through aggression towards another person; either verbal or psychological results in the victim reciprocating with a similar degree of aggression.

Fighting back in the same manner as what your are being subjected to is what will perpetuate a cycle of aggression. Aggression will usually escalate when one or both parties are unsatisfied with an outcome.

How to Notice Unhelpful Thinking

Unhelpful Thinking often occurs before or during distressing situations, prolonged stress or pressure, during times of significant change in your life, or for no particular reason at all. Once you can notice these unhelpful thoughts, this will help you to challenge or distance yourself from those thoughts, and see the situation in a different and more helpful way.

The most important thing for addressing Unhelpful Thinking is to identify when you are actually thinking in an unhelpful manner. In order to identify when your thinking is not contributing positively to your situation you need to know what constitutes Unhelpful Thinking. When you can identify what an unhelpful thinking style is you will start to notice when you are doing it.

There are many particular Unhelpful Thinking Styles but the more common ones are listed here at Unhelpful Thinking Styles. They are classified according to the dominant process involved in the thinking style, be it Predicting Outcomes, Focusing on Past Memories, or Catastrophising.

An Affirmation is similar to a wish, prayer, or goal, only it is more specific and focused. Affirmations can be either Positive or Negative depending on the content of the affirmation and both have similar effects on your conscious and subconscious minds. Affirmations attached to Emotions are best used in conjunction with Creative Visualisation to enhance their effectiveness and give them focus. Affirmations are also best expressed repeatedly in order to highlight their intention to your mind.

Affirmations when done properly, always work

Any Affirmation declared with belief, conviction, expectancy and enthusiasm will assist in manifesting that which it affirms. When you affirm something, you are expressing a desired experience by way of positive statements. What you desire is already in your subconscious mind otherwise you would not realise it as a desire. Affirmations help you focus on a desire in a positive manner and harness your resources together to work towards its attainment.

How can Positive Affirmations Help?

Positive Affirmations are of enormous benefit when used in conjunction with other Self Development techniques.

Affirmations and Thoughts

Every thought you have is either negative or positive. Every word you say is either negative or positive. However the brain is only able to execute (manage) one thought at any one time. Try thinking about two things at once, one thought focused on a negative emotional event, the other thought focused on a positive emotional event. Try it now. You can’t do it. Which is the dominating thought in you mind? Is it the positive thought or negative thought? The answer is probably similar to the habituated thinking concept we looked at in The Law of Attraction and the article on Joy.

How To Use Affirmations?

Affirmations need to be structured to be most effective. If you are just mindlessly repeating affirmations to yourself then you may be a little disappointed with the results. For maximum effect affirmations need to be structured. For best results affirmations should be used in accordance with the following points.

Affirmations Should Be Believable

Affirmations have to be believable to you. Affirmations if phrased correctly may still sound ambitious or a ‘big stretch’ but they should sound attainable to you. If you said: “I am a wonderful person with plenty to offer the world” then you may have trouble accepting that phrase so your Subconscious Mind would probably refuse it. You may feel uncomfortable reciting it. Rather you should focus on the process instead of the end result in your affirmations. If you said: “I am learning to embrace my uniqueness and sharing it confidently with others” the you will have much better results and you are less likely to subconsciously reject it.

Smile during Affirmations

Say Affirmations in the Present Tense

Affirmations need to be worded in the present tense not in future tense. Saying: “I will learn to love myself” because is sounds like it hasn’t happened yet or its ‘in the pipeline’. You should say: “I am learning to love myself”. The way this affirmation is worded does two important things: it empowers you with the word “learning” and it also highlights to the subconscious mind that you are doing it ‘now’ in the present moment.

Affirmations Should Be Repeated Frequently

Affirmations need to be repeated several times a session, several times a day. The Subconscious Mind is constantly reviewing past input from your Conscious Mind so you need to counteract any negative input as much as possible. The more often you recite your more positive thoughts the more fuel your subconscious mind has to work with. You should use affirmations on a regular basis in conjunction with a Media Fast so that you counter any negative thinking your conscious mind may engage in. This is especially true when you become aware that you are indulging in negative thinking about yourself.

Preferably, Affirmations Should Be Recited Aloud

Affirmations bring success

You can either subvocalise your affirmations (speaking internally – thinking them), or where possible you should recite affirmations aloud. This is because of the Aural Association your mind makes with the affirmation when spoken aloud. The subconscious mind is receptive to both forms of recital; subvocalised and verbalised. However reciting your affirmation aloud enhances its impact on your subconscious mind because of the aural cues received by the brain from your ears whilst you listen. Also, verbalising your affirmation forces your conscious mind to focus on what you are saying rather than just ‘going through the motions’ of repeating your affirmation.

Correct Tone

When you recite your affirmations, either mentally or verbally, you should focus on the Tone you use to repeat it. You will have significantly more impact if you impart an element of Emotion,enthusiasm and confidence into them than you will if you just repeat them in a monotone fashion as if you were news presenter on television. Your subconscious mind focuses on the emotion imparted into what you are reciting and implies greater importance to what you are saying above and beyond the simple words. The difference between repeating the words, “I feel really really good’ repeated in an enthusiastic, adrenalin changed, grinning ear to ear, ‘just finished a sky dive’ tone is going to be massively more effective than the monotone ‘newsreader’ recital you are familiar with on Television. Which recital do you think will have a greater impact on the subconscious mind? The enthusiastic adrenalin charged recital of course.

Time

Remember, Rome wasn’t built in a day. It will take time to change the old, negative messages you have implanted in your mind to something more positive. It may be a few days, a few weeks or longer before you notice any difference in your attitude and you may catch yourself thinking affirmations don’t work but, give it time. You will begin to notice subtle differences in your outlook and how you react to situations initially. Most likely it will be a gradual change but little by little you will begin to feel more positive about your situation and how you look at the world. Affirmations do work, and work very well, but it is up to you to implement them in your life, and the effect they can have is incredible.

Now that you have read this article go and have a look at the Affirmation Lesson so you can put affirmations into practice.

What is Positive Thinking?

It’s often easy to think that the way we feel is a result of either good or bad things happen that happen to us. But actually, the way we react and think about what the things that happen to us is far more important than the events we experience. The things that happen in our lives are not good or bad in themselves; it’s just the way we think and react to them that makes has a positive or negative effect upon us. Positive Thinking isn’t the same as Positive Affirmations.

Thinking positively isn’t always easy, in fact, in modern times, with the amount of negative news and media in the world, maintaining a positive outlook on the things that we experience can be tricky. When things are not going the way you want them to or something very upsetting happens to you, it is very easy to start feeling down about what you are experiencing. However, positive thinking is a skill that can be learned, and mastered, as long as you practice it regularly. Positive thinking is something that everyone has the ability to do.

Changing your thinking style

Most people tend to exhibit either a positive or a negative perspective on things when explaining a course of events to themselves. This is called either an optimistic or a pessimistic thinking style. For instance imagine that:

• You did badly on an exam
• You asked someone out and they said no
• Your partner split up with you
• You applied for a job and didn’t succeed
• You didn’t get an invitation to a party

These are fairly normal everyday disappointments. They may seem like huge events to you at the time but there are thousands of people around the world who are experiencing just that sort of thing at any one time. There could be a number of different explanations for why these situations may have occurred but usually we won’t ever know the ‘real’ reason why this may have happened so instead we ‘make up’ an explanation that ‘seems’ sensible to us (at the time) and provides us with a sense of justification for what we have just been through.

Pessimists and Optimists differ in the way they explain such events to themselves.

Pessimists tend to assume that the reason for a negative event occurring is:

• General: due to general characteristics rather than specific causes
• Permanent: it won’t change and they have little influence over it
• Personal: their own fault, they take personal ownership of the event rather than attributing it external circumstances

Optimists tend to assume the reason is:

• Specific: they can or attempt to identify the reason for the event
• Temporary or changeable: the situation or event won’t have a lasting impact on them or their surrounds
• External: not necessarily their fault and can be attributed to factors not related to them

For example, if a pessimist was rejected for a date, they might explain it as due to their being “unattractive or physically undesirable”, a general characteristic that is permanent and personal! An optimist, however, would look at it rather differently. They might see the rejection as being due to the person being interested in someone else, a situation that is specific, possibly temporary, and not their fault. Although they were the subject of the rejection, it wasn’t necessarily personal and specifically directed at them as an individual. Louise Hay in her film You Can Heal Your Life and book fo the same name examines in-depth the impact a change of mind-state has on you level of happiness, health and life in general.

Self Analysis: Try to think of a disappointing situation you experienced from your own life recently. How would you explain this situation to yourself? Can you imagine any other possible explanation?

Thought Stopping

Thought stopping or interrupting a train of thought, is a technique for managing negative thought patterns. Negative thoughts are unhelpful thinking patterns that serve to reduce your Self Esteem and self confidence. They are often sweeping, pessimistic generalisations, such as:

• My relationships never work.
• Nobody cares about me.
• Nothing goes right for me.
• Here we go again.
• I should have expected that anyway.

If you think carefully about these statements, you’ll probably realise pretty quickly that they are not entirely accurate. In fact, they are broad generalisations that serve to reduce your self confidence. But these kinds of thoughts can make you feel pretty rotten and depressed, and make it difficult to take any steps towards solving your problems. With this outlook and type of thinking, you actually have two problems to solve. The initial situation that has happened, and, your reaction to that situation. With a Negative Thought Process it is entirely possible, more than likely actually, that your reaction to the situation is a great deal more damaging to you than the actually experience or results of the negative situation you had just been through.

Thought stopping means noticing when you are having an unhelpful, negative thought process and saying “stop!” to yourself then replacing your negative generalisations with a more positive thought about the situation. This will take a bit of practice but is very easy once you get the hang of it! Thought stopping can also be used to change other unhelpful thinking patterns, such as worrying and obsessing.

If we relate this to the Law of Attraction, it works to bring more negative thoughts into you mind which then become a habituated thinking process, and it may take some persistence to change the thinking pattern. Have you ever noticed how a little negative thinking all of sudden can grow into a mountain of negative thoughts about anything you may have experienced all day, or even all week. There is a psychological explanation for this, but, essentially, this is the Law of Attraction in Action on your mind and thought processes.

Being Optimistic is a Choice

Having a positive mindset is your daily key to living a life of happiness, hope, peace, fulfilment and total life enjoyment. Everyone given the opportunity is able to live an optimistic and ultimately fulfilling life that will deliver them happiness on a day to day basis.

Although it sounds simplistic, being positive is a choice! All of us can define our own lives, every moment of every day that we are alive in terms of whether we focus on the positive or not in any situation.

Positive thinking is infectious! Our moods affect our family, friends, colleagues and strangers, which in turn establishes the kind of relationships we share or encounter with each of them. People who are vibrant and positive project energy that attracts others to be around them, they radiate happiness and joy and in turn people want to get involved and assist those who make them feel good.

Having a positive attitude to life is making it your predominant state of being. By focusing on what we have to be grateful for and cherishing all we have in our lives puts us in a good starting point.

Now try some of the Self Development Lessons to help you consolidate what we have just gone over.

Should I undertake a Media Fast?

A Media Fast Lesson is an exercise in abstinence from the consumption of media. It is intended to achieve several things, namely:

1. Free up more time
2. Reduce the impact of negative information on a persons psyche
3. Improve a persons ability to focus on topics of interest
4. Enhance interaction with friends and loved ones through the requirement of genuine conversation
5. Increase the interest in alternative forms of entertainment and pursuits

The 2 exercises of the Media Fast and the Daily Gratitude List are designed to take our attention away from the negative and upsetting issues in life and focus that attention on positive beneficial aspects of life. We are changing our attitude and our outlook, our thoughts, and as a result, our expectations. As a consequence of this we are changing the decisions we expect to make and thereby the actions we ultimately take.

The Media Fast Lessons aim to achieve specific outcomes for the individual.

Firstly, a media fast will ‘liberate’ several hours a day for the individual to focus on other activities. Activities such as exercise, personal interactive socialising, personal development such as study, personal reflection, mediation, exercise beyond a daily fitness regime, working (extra income is handy nowadays), quality time with the family etc.

Secondly, a media fast will reduce exposure of the individual to articles that are based on negativity. The focus on negativity impacts on the individuals outlook and demeanour. The Commercial News Media in particular follow a reporting formula designed to attract viewers for the purpose of selling that audience’s attention to advertisers to generate revenue. This formula basically follows the death, destruction and sensationalism rule. People, for whatever ever reason, are attracted to news dominated by information about death, disaster, anything that emphasises their lives being better in comparison.

Exercise: Media Fast

Duration: 7 Days Minimum – Longer if you feel like it

This is a very important exercise. Adherence to this exercise will place you in an excellent position to undertake the rest of the course. An excellent way to improve your emotional and mental state and help to focus on your goals and visualisations is a media fast.

When you focus on selected thoughts, be it negative or positive, it is far easier to maintain a focus on the existing thoughts than it is to introduce new thoughts. The Law of Attraction works to realise thoughts that are consistent with what you are currently thinking or ‘established thought patterns’. When you are focused on negative thoughts you always seem to have more thoughts of a negative disposition follow in your head. Existing thought patterns work to ‘back themselves up’ resulting in a continuation of angry, upsetting ideas that keep coming into your head. You may have experienced this as emotionally or mentally ‘spiralling out of control’ during a period of upheaval in your life when all you could ‘see’ was the ‘worst case scenario’ and no possible way out of your current situation.

You may also have experienced the Law of Attraction at action in your mind during a period of overwhelming joy when everything and everyone was happy and you couldn’t stop laughing at/with everyone and everything. Essentially a thought pattern has been started, established as a habit or dominating thought process, and through the Law of Attraction, you find it easier (although you may not realise it) to adopt like thoughts rather than brake with established thinking habits. Another example of ‘habituated thought patterns’ can be found when you encounter people who are ‘always negative’ or who will always tell you how bad things are. Some people behave the exact opposite with a tendency towards positive thinking. People find it difficult to break with established thought patterns.

Eliminate mass media from your mental diet. Eliminate the type of media that capitalise on sensationalism, death, destruction, fear and aggression; the type of media that always deliver ‘bad news’, the news that travels fastest. This type of media promotes negative emotions in you psyche emotions are ultimately fuel for your mind and dictate the dominating topics of your thoughts.

Review Your Media Fast Lesson

During your media fast we are focusing on building up positive attitudes and positive mental images for your conscious and subconscious mind to focus on. You attract what you think about most. You attract what you focus on mentally and emotionally and if your dominating thoughts are of pain, lack and misfortune then you will attract pain, lack and misfortune into your life. Why would you want to do that? You wouldn’t so don’t focus on it. Focus on the things you are grateful for. The things you want more of. Eliminating ‘bad news’ from your daily diet of mental fuel will give your subconscious and conscious mind the opportunity to focus on the good things you want more of in your life. This does not mean that we are to be ‘uninformed’ about what is happening in the world but rather not to be ‘inundated’ when negativity dominates. You need to be very prudent with what you allow into your mind.

What is Goal Setting?

What is Goal Setting you may be asking yourself? Well, in fact you’re probably not asking yourself what goal setting is because, unless you have only recently arrived on planet earth then it is highly likely that you have heard of goal setting, practised goal setting in the past, or are currently doing something related to goals you have already set.

The reason Goal Setting is so important is that if you set a goal, and map out what you need to do to achieve it, you are far more likely to recognise the things that will take you in the direction of your goal. If you do not map out what is required to achieve your desires then it is unlikely you will ever achieve your dreams and desires. To put it simply, if you don’t know what you want in life then you will never achieve it. If you know what you want then you will find a way to work towards the achievement of that goal. That is why it is important to map it out.

How can I benefit from Goal Setting?

Many people have a basic idea of what they want to achieve in life. People may want to earn more money, go to a specific place for a holiday, meet that special ‘someone’ or buy their own home. Some people achieve what they want from life, and some don’t. The differences between the two groups of people usually boils down to the first group of people having as specific plan to get what they want whilst the second group of people drift through life ‘hoping for this or that’ and not actually laying down a plan, a course of action, to get what they want. Achieving your goals is a tremendous boost to your Self Esteem.

The best way to get what you want in life is to lay down a course of action, broken down step by step, to get what you want. Having a general idea of what you want is not usually enough to see it materialise for you. You need map out what is required to get to your desired result.

How To Set Goals

There are lots of methods for Goal Setting but they all begin with actually writing your goals down on a piece of paper. The best method I have found is a 6 Point Method that breaks the process of goal setting down so that both you Conscious and Subconcious mind can work on the goals attainment. Many other systems utilise up to a dozen different criteria for setting and measuring a goal, but this 6 Point Method combines simplicity with structure in the correct ratio’s. We will use wanting to lose weight as an example to work through.

With all Goal Setting you should be able to identify the following factors. Goals should be:

• Specific – you must be able to identify it through specific attributes that you can define to yourself. Yes No criteria are good for defining goal, ie. a desired target weight or set level of fitness. If it is ‘intangible’ or you have trouble visualising how you will reach it then it is best to redefine your goal until it is tangible. For example, saying you want to ‘lose weight’ is good, but how much weight do you want to lose? How fit do you want to be? You need to define how much weight you would like to lose for it to qualify as a specific goal. The best way to frame this would be for achieving a specifc target weight, rather than ‘loosing 2 pounds’ off the waistline. See the article on the Law of Attraction, Positive Thinking and Gratitude for the reasoning behind this.
• Beneficial – You must know the benefit and be able to identify how you will benifit from what you are wanting to achieve. This is important as it identifies what you stand to gain from completing a specific goal. What are the benefits to you of losing 2 or 3 pounds off your waist line? Why do you want to do this. This is your Motivation to adhere to achieving your goal. Without this motivation you are less likely to seriously apply yourself to its accomplishment. The benefits you ascribe to achieving a goal need to outweight the obsticals you may face whilst work towards you goal. Identify each specific benefit from achieving your goal.

• Attainable – it must be attainable, it may be far fetched but you must be able to conceive it and believe it. It is one thing to want to lose weight, and quite another to want to lose 2 pounds, but if you say things like ‘I want to lose 30% of my body weight by Christmas’ then you may be a little disappointed when Christmas comes around. Goals need to be realistic; ambitious but realistic. It is more important to set a goal that you know you can accomplish ‘with a bit of effort if you apply your self and achieve it, than to set a goal that you do not think you can accomplish at all and fail. It is easier to build on your successes than it is to try and pick yourself up from a series of failures and shoot for the moon.
• Have a Timetable – a Deadline - you must be able to set a deadline to it, even if you say ‘several years’ you must still set yourself a deadline to adhere to. It is no good saying ‘I want to loose some weight soon’. You need to say ‘I want to lose 2 pounds by December 25th’. Without putting a deadline to it you will find yourself ‘moving the goal posts’ when it begins to feel like ‘a bit too much effort’ or temptation shows up. Also, the subconscious mind has a habit of getting involved when the ‘going gets tough’ and persistence always pays off. It is not uncommon for the ‘planets to align’ towards the end of you deadline and you find the focus to suddenly achieve your objective.
• Break Down into Small Easy Steps – It is important that you believe you can achieve your goal. You need to have faith in you ability to accomplish what you set out to, both consciously and subconsciously. Things are much easier to focus on and believe when you break it down into small easier steps. If your goal of losing 2 pounds in the next 30 days seems unobtainable to you then you need to break it down into how much weight you would like to lose each week. You will find it much easier to maintain a diet and exercise routine if you have small goals to work towards instead of visualising one single step to your target weight. The conscious and subconscious minds will find it much easier to accept small reasonable steps towards your target weight than one single change that isn’t consistent with your current circumstances.
• Actionable – You need to actually take action according to the steps you laid out for the attainment of your goal. This is often the most difficult part for people to adhere to. Take specific action, no matter how small or seemingly insignificant, towards the accomplishment of your goal. For example, to loose the two pounds from around your waist by the 25th of December, you will need to do exercise every day. It might not be a lot of exercise but some is better than none, and a lot is better than some. Do what ever exercise you can possibly fit in and build on those small accomplishments to focus on the next activity required to work towards your goal. Be positive about every little success you make. If you encounter a situation that doesn’t contribute towards your progress, it is important to frame it in the context ‘something to improve upon’ rather than focus on the negative aspects of the experience. Again, see the article on Positive Thinking as well as Self Esteem.
• Results Oriented – you must be able to measure your results against the criteria you defined when you started. If you break you goal down into small steps then it is much easier to measure your progress in each little area as you progress along, and make changes if required. Not all of you activity will produce the same results; some more and some less. By measuring your activity and actions along the way you are able to make adjustments to you activities to optimise your efforts. You may find that by fine tuning your activity along the way the your desired target weight was actually rather conservative and based on you perception of what you could achieve rather than what you really could achieve once you focused your efforts on it. By reviewing your progress and how you apply yourself to your objectives, you may find that you can exceed your initial expectations.

Now proceed to the Lessons Page

What Motivates You?

People are find motivation for many reasons and these reasons determine how we choose to behave. People find their motivation when the find their passion so a persons motivation comes from within. Your motivation is determined by the reasons for your passion, or you’re ‘why’. So you motivator is the ‘why’; the ‘why’ we do what we do, The thing that keeps your going.

Motivation is essential if you want to achieve your goals and ambitions. Without motivation, you are at the mercy of one of the most basic human conditions; the balance between pleasure and pain. Our comfort zone is the single most important factor impacting on your level of motivation in life. If people feel there is no need to change; if the level of comfort they are currently experiencing in life is acceptable to them, then they are very unlikely to find the motivation to change their current situation.

What is Motivation?

Motivation is the differential between pleasure and pain. Motivation is therefor translated into the level of desire required to initiate action to change your current situation for a new situation. So, when we ask Why is Motivation Important, we find that the basis of all achievement and accomplishment is centred around the level of motivation required to achieve the desire. The greater the motivation required to realise a desire, the greater the relative sense of achievement when an individual finally realises one of their goals.

The starting point of all achievement is desire.
Weak desire brings weak results,
just as a small amount of fire makes a small heat.
- Napoleon Hill

To understand motivation you need to have an understanding of nature of desire. There are two types of desire.

• The desire for pleasure.
• The desire to avoid pain.

Of these two motivators the desire to avoid pain wins every time. Sure, you can work hard towards something you consider special, but 9 times out of 10 if a situation that involves perceived pain presents it’s self, then the focus of your efforts will move to initially avoiding the pain. The Fear of pain is a bigger motivator than pleasure.

Why Are We Motivated?

If we look at the functional aspects of motivation, the primary motivators in life being the pleasure and pain motivators, we see that in both cases your desire is made up of 3 things: the desire for Autonomy, the desire for Mastery (accomplishment over the circumstances we find ourselves in) and Purpose, the desire to change a situation

Autonomy

The desire for Autonomy stems from the urge to direct our own lives and enjoy our right to freedom; freedom from stress, freedom from hunger etc. We desire to do what we do how and when we want to do it; we want to be self directed.

Mastery

The desire for Mastery and the development of skills that we utilise in our lives; the desire to get better and better at something

Purpose

… the yearning to do what we do in the service of something larger than ourselves.

What are Intrinsic and Extrinsic Motivators?

Intrinsically motivated behaviour refers to doing an activity for the sake of doing it, in contrast to extrinsically motivated behaviour where an activity is undertaken to gain a separable outcome (Ryan & Deci 2000). In reality there is usually a combination of both extrinsic and intrinsic factors that determine an individuals level of motivation (Day 1976, Kanfer and Ackerman 1989).